Mom Guilt is a bitch. If you don’t agree, I envy you. Sometimes it weighs so heavy it’s almost debilitating. Everywhere you look online, there is a mom, doing an awesome job. She’s making every meal  from scratch. Every ingredient is organic and locally sourced. Her kids are always smiling and have been trilingual since birth. Or, you post a question about Paw Patrol on certain parenting sites, (I’m looking at you BabyCenter) and get bombarded by 47 moms about how you’re destroying your child by allowing screen time. Fuck it! Fuck it all! I’m doing a good job. So here are 5 things I am giving 0 fucks about this year.

   

 5 –  Perfect Meal Plans

We make pretty good meals… but you know what? We have fed our kid fast food on occasion. Monday through Friday, we serve frozen veggies most nights. As much as I’d like to cook from scratch, sometimes time just doesn’t work out for us. I wish it did, but I’m done pretending I can do it all, because I’m human and I just can’t.  One time I used crockpots to make stuff for the freezer… Once. I’m not advocating loading your kid with junk food, I swear, but seriously, everything in moderation. Pancakes for dinner?  Whatever. #fedisbest , am I right? Zero fucks given to perfect meal plans.

    
4-  House Cleaning – It. Never. Ends. Ever.

I will clean my house still, obviously – don’t call CPS on me, please. I will make sure we have a safe place for my kid to live in, and keep us from being featured on Hoarders. (That show is seriously terrifying) But, I will stop beating myself up over it. We have 2 adults with full time jobs, meaning there are 0 humans at our house from 7:30 am until 5:30 pm Monday through Friday. My son goes to bed at 8 pm, so basically someone’s in his room until 8:30 or 9 pleading with him to sleep and stop creepily whisper singing while squinting his eyes shut. (Do other kids do this? Seriously, cut this out, weirdo!) We also have 2 big dogs and cat, so it’s just a losing battle. Zero fucks given to house cleaning.

  
3- Unsolicited Advice.

  
I know, you mean well. You really do. You are probably not actively trying to insult my parenting abilities. But it always gets under my skin – telling me about how we should really consider moving out of our “starter house” because we live in North Minneapolis and we should really be thinking about what’s best for our kid,  I should really be working on potty training, or that I really need to do something about my kid’s thumb sucking.(trust me, we will address BOTH of these before he moves out and goes to college – I PROMISE!) So from here on out, zero fucks will be given to your unsolicited advice. I know you’re not going to stop giving it, but from now on, all you’re getting from me is a polite smile and a nod or simple , “OK,” while I ignore everything you say.

   

  2 The Joneses

Ok, that’s Cat, our cat, not the Joneses. But he looks damn fancy like that. You’re envious, right? Our house isn’t huge and fancy – (see above blurb about our home), we have two vehicles, they are decent, but again, nothing fancy (not like Cat). Do I feel envious of our friends who move into larger houses? A little. Do I want to drop $800 on a pair of shoes? You bet.. But this year, I’m going to stop. I love my possessions and things. I do. But, I love my family more and the idea of adding to said family. I always dreamed of living in a huge house and having all the “things.” But this year, zero fucks will be given to the Joneses. We are desperately working on living more simply – so we can then in turn have more time to spend with each other. (Sorry, Cat. I know you would prefer a castle.) 

 

And now … the big one. Actually, I probably could have saved myself all this time and cut right to the chase as all the previous categories fit into this one…

The number one thing I will give ZERO Fucks about this year…

  
1 PINTEREST

Don’t get me wrong, I will still visit the site every day, but I will NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT expect anything I try to make to turn out. I’m done with feeling like a complete failure. I am not a great cook. I just can’t read another article about how to stay organized. I somehow am sort of crafty, so that’s the only reason I will still visit this site – because when it comes to crafts I can usually follow instructions and get it to turn out. (Don’t look to me to come up with any great new craft idea breakthroughs though. ) A Pinterest marathon is seriously just a form of punishment but showing myself all the ways I suck. Martha Stewart, you are my hero, but I am not you. I will keep trying, but from now on, zero fucks will be given. I will not care when I fail at making the same pie I’ve made for Thanksgiving for the past 6 years and have never screwed up until this year… OK, I might care a little, but I’m really going to try not to. Because it doesn’t matter.

 

So there you have it.

What do you give ZERO fucks about?